Birthday Remembrance of Justin
19th November 2006
Today, and for the last week I have felt irritable, on edge, knowing that your birthday was coming and how whether intentionally or not I would re-live every moment of this day 28 years ago.
I remember again, like I do every year, waking early with slight contractions, feeling nervous about having to go to the hospital and putting it off for as long as I could. I say making jigsaws while timing the contractions. Your dad had plans to go meet some friends for a round of Pitch and Putt so I was given the choice, either he went to play Pitch and Putt or he took me to the hospital. Being so nervous of the thoughts of going to the hospital I said he should go meet his friends.
The girl from next door came and sat with me. We did the jigsaw together and chatted in between my contractions. Eventually in the afternoon your father arrived back and soon afterwards my parents arrived to drop your sister Geraldine home as they were going to the country to visit relations. I told them about my contractions and they said they would bring Geraldine with them. Soon after they left they arrived back and insisted on driving me to the hospital.
Your father came into the hospital with me and waited while I was examined, then he left. I was scared on my own but had no choice. Hours went by and I was examined frequently to see how I was progressing. I was moved from the cubical I had been put in because another woman was about to give birth before me so I was left on a bed in the main area of the delivery area. I am sure every doctor who passed decided to examine me as I could not seem to rest.
Eventually I was brought back to the cubicle as things progressed. I was left with a training midwife who needed to witness just one more normal birth before she could do her final exams. I promised her I would deliver what she needed.
As my temperature rose I asked for cold cloths to be placed on my forehead but all the cloths felt warm until the training midwife went and got ice cold water, it was so nice. I was given oxygen and helped through the breathing techniques by the training midwife, she was really patient and kind to me.
I remember though being slapped across the fact by some nurse who decided it was the best way to get a response from me when she asked my name and I did not reply quick enough.
The training midwife had just gone to get another cold cloth for my forehead when your head was born. I was lying on my side and I felt your warm moist body on my leg. The nurses were commenting on how you were crying as the rest of your body was born. They wrapped you up and took you away to examine you while I was taken to a surgical room for stitches and clean up also.
When I held you it was one of the most wonderful experiences in my life. You had a head of dark hair and you were pink skinned. You had dark eyes and long fingers.
Tonight I remember it all clearly and I cherish the 16 and a half years we had together.
I will never forget you Justin - you are me and I am you.
I love you.